Ways to Solve Conflict

One disagreement that I have recently had was with one of my cousins.  She wanted to give my son a piece of gum, and I told her no he cannot have gum because I don't give him gum.  We got into a small altercation on how I thought I was too good, and I need to let my son be a kid.  As soon as I turned my back, she gave him a piece of gum.  I was very angry with her for doing this because I knew he would just swallow it. 

She thought it was funny, and I yelled at her without even thinking. We both have very different parenting styles, and she does not respect my way of parenting. 

One way that I could have solved this conflict was being direct with her and explaining why I did not want him to have gum, rather than telling her "I don't allow him to have gum".  Maybe if I would have taken this route, she would have respected what I said.  I feel like maybe she thought I was attacking her parenting style because she allows her children to have gum and I don't.

Another way I could have solved this conflict was simply by not yelling.  I believe that when a person starts yelling effective communication is lost.  I could have stated that I was not happy in a regular tone.  I could have said what I needed to say in a respectful tone, in return she may have shown me respect back.

In order to solve conflict one must be able to see both sides.  One must also be able to show respect.  As a part of the 3 R's, if respect is shown then it a better chance that it will be return.

Evaluating my Communication Styles

When I started the self-evaluation of my community skills, I had in mind what my results would be.  I am person who do not mind public speaking to a large group, but do not like speaking in small groups.  The people who I had score me was my cousin and her fiancé.  It tickled me to watch both of them complete the survey, because they were laughing while doing it.  When they received their scores they both were anxious to compare it to my original score.

All three of us knew that I can be bossy when I am talking to others without even trying, so we were all tickled when the scores for my aggression came back (67,63, 62).  I know that I am somewhat aggressive when I talk, and now I see that others can realize this too and this is a trait that I need to work on.  This can affect me negatively if I am communicating with a group of people who do not know this about me.  They may think that I am rude and do not care about them, when that is not true.  I scored in group one for my listening styles profile.  I do care about others and I care how they view themselves.  This can be a positive attribute to my personal and professional life.  It will help me gain the trust of others, if they can see past my verbal aggression.

I was not surprise with my results, and my cousin and her fiancé agreed with my scores.  It was fun to do this assessment to see how I viewed myself and how others view me.  This has made me more aware of my self-efficacy and I can use this to guide my interactions that I will have with others.

Communicating with Others That are Not Like Us

When I communicate with people from different groups and culture I notice that I am more careful with my word choice.  I also, tend to try to look at the person I am communicating with to ensure that I am fully attentive.  I also realize that the tone of my voice is much softer.  I do not know why I do this, but I do it without even realizing it.  I also, tend to talk less if it is the first interaction.  I do this so that I can have a better idea of who they are. I am a big talker and I love communicating with others.  If I am speaking to someone who first language isn't English, I notice that I use my hands a lot.  I am excited to learn more ways to help me become a more effective communicator.

Three strategies that I believe will help others be a more effective communicator are listed below:

1. Pay attention to body language and your tone when communicating with others.  Often times, our body language and tone can present the wrong message if we are not careful.

2. If what you are saying would offend you if someone would say it to you, then don't say it to others.  Implement the Platinum Rule when communicating with others.

3.  Try to be a good listener when communicating with others.  Don't just do all the talking, but rather try to actively listen so that you will be able to respond appropriately.

Observing a tv show with and without sound.

I have a one year old so I decided to record one of his favorite shows.  He really like to watch Harry and His Bucket Full of Dinosaurs.  I watched it first without sound, and I must admit it was rather funny trying to figure out what was going on.  By Harry's facial expression I assumed that he sick.  His little cheeks was red and he was lying in bed.  His dinosaurs seemed like they were trying to comfort him by giving Harry a hug.

I watched it again with sound and was right! Harry was sick, and the dinosaurs was trying to make him feel better!

It was very interesting to watch the show without sound, because I actually had to pay attention to what was going on to try to figure out what was really happening.  If we did this when others were talking to us, then we would become better listeners because we would actually have to pay attention to the person that is trying to communicate with us.