One disagreement that I have recently had was with one of my cousins. She wanted to give my son a piece of gum, and I told her no he cannot have gum because I don't give him gum. We got into a small altercation on how I thought I was too good, and I need to let my son be a kid. As soon as I turned my back, she gave him a piece of gum. I was very angry with her for doing this because I knew he would just swallow it.
She thought it was funny, and I yelled at her without even thinking. We both have very different parenting styles, and she does not respect my way of parenting.
One way that I could have solved this conflict was being direct with her and explaining why I did not want him to have gum, rather than telling her "I don't allow him to have gum". Maybe if I would have taken this route, she would have respected what I said. I feel like maybe she thought I was attacking her parenting style because she allows her children to have gum and I don't.
Another way I could have solved this conflict was simply by not yelling. I believe that when a person starts yelling effective communication is lost. I could have stated that I was not happy in a regular tone. I could have said what I needed to say in a respectful tone, in return she may have shown me respect back.
In order to solve conflict one must be able to see both sides. One must also be able to show respect. As a part of the 3 R's, if respect is shown then it a better chance that it will be return.
Hi Kayla, thank you for sharing! I have experienced the same thing where others don't respect our parenting decisions and override what it is that we were trying to do. It is challenging to keep our emotions in check, especially when it comes to our children, but what I am assuming is that it didn't help when she laughed!
ReplyDeleteYou came up with some great strategies, so now the next time this happens (hopefully it won't) you will be equipped with the skills to help manage the conflict that may arise again with your cousin.
Thank you for sharing!
Take care,
Stephanie
Kayla,
ReplyDeleteI also have this same problem with my own mother. She feels that because she is my mother, my sons have to listen to what she says and not what I tell them. In the past, I would get really angry and we would not speak for days at a time. Now, I just state how I feel in a clear, direct manner and I am careful not to disrespect her in the process.
Kayla,
ReplyDeleteI am sure that many of had this situation with our relatives and what their beliefs were regarding the things / treats children "should" have to experience childhood. I remember having a disagreement with my father-in-law many years ago about allowing my daughter (who was two and a half at the time) to jump on the bed. At the time, I am pretty sure that I didn't handle it using effective conflict management strategies. I remember my husband telling me that it would be okay - that his dad was standing right there during the bed jumping fun.
Thank you for reflecting on your experience. I think that it can be so much harder when parents are trying to do what's best for their child/ children and someone with a different opinion or value challenges our own beliefs. I am sure that the strategy of informing your cousin of your rationale will work next time. After all, understanding each others' perspectives can make huge progress during conflicts.
Hi Kayla
ReplyDeleteI think that your conflict is something that happens quite often. It is hard when people do not understand your reasons to why you do not want your child to have something. I had a similar problem when my son was 2 ½ years old. I did not want my son to have soda because I do not believe in giving him soda at such a young age. My cousin stated it was not going to kill him, my kids drink it all the time. In my head, I am thinking that is why their teeth are rotten. I kept my comments to myself because I can see she was not hearing me. A few minutes later my son came over to me smiled and said I had some soda. I was furious with my cousin. The whole time my cousin though it was so funny. I knew I was not going to win with her, so I ended the conversation. I like the way you would have handled the situation. We always learn from our mishaps. It helps us handle the situation better the next time.
Thanks for sharing your experience.
LaNea
Kayla,
ReplyDeleteI can completely understand about the gum situation. My mother does the exact same thing with any parenting ways that I have. I have tried explaining to her why I do not engage in certain acts, however she still does these things behind my back. For instance, when I weened her from the pacifier, she kept giving it to her months after I asked her not to, I had no idea that this was going when one night she sent me a picture of how cute she was not even thinking, and I asked, "whats that in her mouth" She even lied and told me she had thrown it away. I believe it is still going on now and my baby is now two. I have no idea how to get her to do what I request without her catching an attitude even though I am very sincere. Thanks for sharing!